


You’re everything I Want.

by Makiop



Category: Chelsea FC - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-01
Updated: 2013-04-06
Packaged: 2017-11-27 19:15:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/665495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Makiop/pseuds/Makiop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank was everything John ever wanted. But what do you do when you try so hard to never make a mistake, you make a mistake. Will Frank ever forgive him. Does John still has a change to make Frank his….</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost Times.

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: There is a violent scenes that involve wrist cutting.

John Terry was in the locker room quietly undressing. Today’s training was heavy and he was not getting any younger. John sighed and looked ahead. The rest of the team was gone, and John enjoyed the peace. Normally it was busy and he could not even hear himself think. John leaned against his locker and sighed again. The last few weeks he had many, negative reaction in the media, only because he was separated from Toni. John just couldn’t live with her any more. All those years of lies and deceit. And worst of all was that he also fell in love with someone he could never get. How could he ever explain to his best friend that he has feelings for him. For a time, John believed that Frank felt the same for him. Especially a couple of years ago when they won and Frank kissed him and divorced his wife. But that feeling was quickly lost when Frank not long afterwards got a new girlfriend. John felt at that moment so lost and alone. All hope was lost. Frank is now engaged. All hope to ever get Frank was gone. What should he do with his life. Without Frank his life doesn’t mean much. John sighed again. It was late and time to go home. John grabbed his stuff and was about to leave when Frank came in the locker room. “Hey John, still here?”. “I can ask you the same thing,” John answered. “Yes, Roberto wanted to talk to me.” “Ok, good night, I’m going home.” “Until tomorrow, good night.” And John walked quickly out of the locker room. John found it increasingly difficult to be with Frank. What if he made a mistake and Frank found out, but doesn’t feel the same for him. John knew then their friendship would be over for good. Once home, John was depressed and didn’t want anything. He took a sleeping pill and went to bed. He wanted peace ….

The next morning John was the first on the field. He was even an hour early. Now he could quietly practice and reflect. But that peace was not for long because someone walked on the field towards him. John looked up and saw to his horror that it was Frank. “Good morning,” said Frank. “Morning,” John said without sounding too nervous, “What are you doing here so early?”. Frank stood before him and looked at him. “What,” said John. “John, what’s the matter with you? “Frank asked.” There is nothing, why should there be something wrong? “.” Because since you got separated you acted strange, you avoiding me very much too, just like last night, you didn’t know how fast to get away, is it me?, did I did something wrong done or said something wrong? “. John suddenly felt a knot in his stomach. What should he say to Frank. The truth wasn’t a option.” John, whatever there is, you can tell me everything, you’re my best friend, I will always help you. ‘John could not take it any more and ran off the field and left a stunned Frank behind. Somewhere under the running he was started to cry. John locked himself in one of the empty locker rooms. How did he ever came out without telling the truth. Frank was not stupid and knew John. Frank is always right by if something is not right. But the truth was not an option. Though could John now not bear to be with Frank right now, he didn’t want to Loose Frank. I will get over Frank and then everything will be good between us. There was knock on the door. “John, are you okay? “asked Frank. John did not answer and cried softly.” John, please, open the door and talk to me. “” Leave me alone, ” John cried.” No, even if I have to wait all day, talk to me.” But John did not answer and Frank knew he had to let him cool down before he was approachable.” I’ll come back later to check on you, “Frank said and walked away. John did not know how much time had passed before he had stopped crying. To him it seemed an eternity. He could cry an eternity. Why didn’t he have the courage to tell Frank the truth. This was no life . But he could not risk their friendship. He didn’t wanted to lose Frank as a friend. John walked over to the sink and threw water in his face and looked in the mirror. You could easily see that he had been crying. John sighed and walked to the door and opened it. To his dismay, Frank waited in front of the door and looked at John. Frank could see terror on John’s face. “John,” said Frank quietly. Frank was afraid that John would flee again. But John didn’t flee and remained stiffly standing looking to the ground. Both did not know what to say. “Uhm, I told Roberto that you were ill and therefore not at the training”. “Thank you,” John replied softly, “Should I join?”. ” No, the training is an hour past. “John nodded and walked into their dressing room and sat down in front of his locker. Frank sat down beside him.” Would you perhaps explain to me now what’s going on? “asked Frank. John looked the other way. what can he say. Frank wasn’t about to stop, not before he knows what’s going on. “John, please, tell me what’s going on, let me help, “and Frank grabbed John’s hand. There was a shiver down John’s back there. John looked at Frank and saw the concern in his eyes. What should he do now.” John, you know you’re my best friend and that I do not want to lose, you mean a lot to me, “tried Frank. John did not know what he heard. I mean a lot to him. Is there still a chance he feels the same. Frank smiled at him and that’s it. He did not know where the sudden courage came from, but his lips were suddenly on Franks and John kissed him. But before John knew Frank pushed him away. John could see the horror in Frank’s face. ” What ….. What …. John, ” was all Frank got out. John could hit himself in the face, here was the mistake he faired for.” Frank, I’m sorry. “And John wanted to grab Frank’s hand, but Frank hit his hand away. “….. What do you.” And Frank walked away from him and set down across of John, totally in shock. John could not stand it any more and didn’t even bother to get dressed. He packed his belongings and left the locker room quickly. The whole ride home John did nothing but cry. Now you’ve done it. What must Frank think of me. Once home John to the alcohol and didn’t stop drinking. He felt he had nothing left to live for. He cried for hours and he drank until he felt unconscious from drinking too much.

The next morning, John woke up with a huge hangover. But he didn’t felt better. Today there was also training and John didn’t want to go. How can he face Frank. After last night. John knew that he had the training and could not stay away. 1 day you could miss it, but not more. John sighed and went showering and get ready to leave. With a heavy feeling, he went to the training. Who knows what to expect. When he walked into the dressing room, he saw with relief that he was the first. John dressed quickly and went to the field. This was the first step, but he was not there yet. And it will be a long day. Not long afterwards there followed more players and they saluted John all normally. But no trace of Frank. Even when almost all players were there, Frank was still not. While he and Frank normally are the firsts. John began to worry. He hoped that nothing had happened to him. But that feeling went away when Frank came running onto the field. But John could see at Frank face that it was not over yet. Frank gave no attention to John and said nothing. Roberto always want them to train together. Although Frank did this, he still said no word to John. John felt uneasy and wanted to leave. Somewhere alone. The day seemed longer than usual and John was glad it was over. In the dressing room, everyone was quickly gone and John was left alone with Frank. John looked at him, but Frank gave him no attention. “Frank,” began John. But was interrupted by Frank. “No, not Frank, I want you to leave me alone,” said Frank almost shouting. “I’m sorry”. “Why did you do that, why”. “I do not know,” John remarked that he began to talk louder too. ‘You do not know, well that’s nice. ” “Frank, if I could undo it, I did it.” But the only thing Frank did was looking angry at John. “You’re my best friend.” John began. “I have no best friend any more,” said Frank angry and left the locker room. That answer came hard on John, and he began to cry.

Frank drove back home, still angry at John. How could he do this to him. After all they had been through together. After all he has done for him. Frank could not understand why John did it. And then say that he didn’t know either. Why of all the people John’s the one who say that. Suddenly his anger dropped and Frank felt depressed. This was actually what he ever wanted. To have John. Why did he screw up. Now John never wants anything to do with him any more . Why did he react like that and chased John away. Good action Frank. Well done. Now you lost John forever. Before Frank knew a tear rolled down his cheek. What should he do now without John. John, meanwhile, was already gone home and had it put on drinking. “I have no best friend any more ‘, the words kept echoing through John’s head. How could Frank say that. Frank couldn’t mean that. But John knew Frank meant it. John picked up his mobile and wanted to call Frank and talk it out. But John put his phone down again. The last thing that Frank would was to talk to him. What must John do to get this right again. He didn’t know what to do. There’s nothing I can do any more I lost him forever. Hours later, John did not know what exactly he had drunk. But at the moment he felt nothing and that’s what he wanted. He lay in the middle of the living room on the floor, staring at the ceiling. The nasty thoughts were also equally forgotten and John laughed. What was it wonderful to feel nothing. He heard the clock strike three times and it was three am. He didn’t care any more. John was not going to the training. I quit. Screwed them. But on the other side he cared. Then he will never see Frank any more. John sighed. He did not want think any more. He stood up and walked over to the liquor cabinet to get another bottle out. He opened it and drank it. But this did not let the thoughts disappear, and John felt suddenly depressed. What did he do. Why precisely with someone he does not want to lose. I lost Frank for good. I’ve got nothing left to live for. With those thoughts John walked into the kitchen and grabbed a knife from the drawer. At that time John heard a noise from the garden and dropped the knife.

Frank had not slept all night and didn’t know what to do. John had not even called to talk it out, what he normally always does. I would go to him. No, he did not call because he does not want to see. Not after his reaction. What should he do now. Frank gathered all his courage and went to John. He had to stop this before it was too late. On the way to John Frank was inventing all sorts of excuses to why he was there. But no one seemed appropriate at a time like this. Just tell the truth, why you really are. It’s now or never to get him back. Arriving at John Frank saw that all the curtains were still closed. Would John still be in bed?. Frank rang the doorbell. But no one answered. Frank called one more time. Still no response. He grabbed his cell phone and called John. That went right over to voice mail. Frank began to worry. He tried the door and saw to his horror that it was not closed and opened it. Inside it looked like as if a war had broken out. Everywhere thing were broken. But no sign of John. “John,” cried Frank. But he got no response. Frank began to panic. Frank began to run through the house, to the first floor and back. When he ran into the kitchen, he remained motionless in the doorway. Frank could not breathe any more. He got the feeling of vomiting. This could not be true. Frank collapsed to the ground and grabbed his phone and called 911. Before him on the ground layed John in a pool of blood and cut wrists. When Frank had called he crawled to John and took him in his arms and began to cry softly. “Oh John, why”. But the lifeless body in his arms did not move. He pressed John against hem and kissed John on his forehead. This is not what Frank wanted. This did not happen. After a few minutes Frank heard in the distance the ambulance arriving. He wished so much that it’s not too late. Before the paramedics arrived Frank kissed John softly. When they arrived they took Frank away of John and was examined by one of the staff. John was attached to the stretcher and the staff out with him. Frank was taken by the second ambulance that was there. Arriving at the hospital, John and Frank got separated. Frank was finished quickly as he had nothing. He could do nothing else but cry. Hours he sat waiting and still no word about John. His John. The only thing that Frank knew that John was alive, otherwise he had heard. At that moment Frank’s mobile ring. It was Roberto. Shit Frank had forgotten to call him. Frank answered. “Hello”. “Frank, where are you and John, the training has already begun.” Frank could not say anything any more when he heard John’s name and began to cry. “Frank, are you okay?”. “No,” said Frank crying. “What happened?”. It took a while before Frank replied. “I’m in the hospital, John has cut his wrists,” And Frank began to cry harder. “Oh my heavens, everything ok and with you too?”. “I have nothing and I don’t know about John , they are still working on him.” “Frank, stay there and let me know if there is any news about him. “And with that Frank hung up. He wanted that the doctor would come and say that everything is alright with John. A half an hour later, the doctor approached.” Doctor, is he okay? “. asked Frank right away. “For the moment he is stable, he’s very lucky. If you had found him later then I guess it was too late, only is Mr. Terry in a coma and we do not know when or if he ever comes out. ” Frank was feeling nauseous.” Sorry, this is all we currently can do for him. “Frank nodded and sighed,” Can I see him? “.” Sure “, and the doctor showed him the room. Frank remained in the doorway. There was John, His John. Like he was sleeping. Frank sat beside the bed. John Oh why, why did you do this.

To Be Continued…..


	2. Is this the start?

Meanwhile weeks has passed and John still had shown no change. Frank increasingly beginning to give up hope that he would ever recover. Every day there came players and family along to help him. The nurse had said that to talk to a coma-patient could help better. Toni did not want the children to see their father like that. Toni visit only 1 time. But Frank was every day by Johns side. He could not leave John. What if he wakes up and needs him. Every day the doctor came to see him and gave Frank suggestions of what he could do to help. But nothing seemed to work. Nothing seemed to hit John. Even during the trainig Frank can’t think about anything else than John. The coach delayed the training for a few days , out of respect for John. But the EK was about to begin and they could no longer stop exercising. Did they ever want a chance to win. But Frank didn’t care. The only thing he wants is for John to wake up. And at that time something occurred to Frank. Oh my God, he had it all the time wrong. After the training Frank rushed to the hospital and saw to his relief that nobody was by John. Frank sat beside John, and began to talk. “I am sometimes not very smart, I got everything wrong, I don’t know why I didn’t think about it, all this time to tell you about your childhood, your life, but you didn’t care about it anymore, right?. You were only busy with me. Oh John, I’m so sorry for everything I’ve said too you, I didn’t mean it, ” Frank stopped and swallowed . John showed no change. “I’m so sorry, I never wanted this to happen, you are and will always be my best friend and I never want to you lose, I love you.” It seemed like a fairy tale and John began to move his head. Frank jumped up from this seat and John opened his eyes. “John,” said Frank with fright and came closer to the bed. John blinked but did not answer. “John?”. John looked at Frank, but with an expression that he didn’t recognize Frank. “John,” Frank tried again. But John did not answer and looked around confused. Sister thought Frank and wanted to get one. He walked to the door but suddenly stand still. “Frank,” he heard John say behind him. Frank turned and looked at him. John looked at him still with a confused expression. Frank walked back to the bed and grabbed John’s hand. “Where am I”. “You’re in the hospital, you remember what happened?”. John looked at his wrists and nodded yes. “Yes, I remember.” “Why?”, Frank ask. John looked at Frank. “Why are you here, I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. And how did I get here?”. “I found you the next morning.” John looked at Frank in surprise. “I wanted to make things right. I know I’ve made a big stupid mistake.” “Oh, Frank,” John started but was interrupted. “No, let me finish.” John nodded. “I’m so sorry for everything I’ve said and done, I didn’t mean it. You are and will always be my best friend and I don’t want to trade that for anything in the world.” John did not know what he heard. “Oh my, Frank.” That was all John could say. “I’m sorry, I’ve also done stupid things”. “No, you did not, why did you do it?”. And Frank looked at Johns wrists. “Why do you think?”. And looked at Frank. “I could not live without you.” “Why did you never tell me that you love me, then everything would have been different.” “Yes, you would hated me.” “No, I could never hate you, everything was already solved and who knows what beautiful came out of it because I love you for years.” John looked at Frank startled, did he heart it correct. Frank smiled and came closer and kissed John.  
  
  
Days later, John could finally go home.But Frank did not want him to be home alone. He had moved some of his stuff to John’s. John thought it was all fine. After the kiss he and Frank didn’t talk about it. They had decided when John would be home to talk about it. Once home, John sit on the bench. The first few weeks he may not go to the training, because that was too heavy for his body. Frank had to train and John hated it already that he would be home alone during the day. Frank sat down beside him. Both were a little nervous. But it was now or never for anything to talk about. “How are you feeling?” Frank Asked. “I feel fine, do not worry.” “Of course I worry, after what you’ve done.” Even though John was out of the hospital, the bandage was still around his wrists and had to stay around the wrist for another week. He had quite deep cuts made and was happy that Frank had found him. “What actually happened, your home was like a bomb had exploded,” said Frank. John sighed. “Was it a burglar,” said Frank quickly. “Believe me when I say that I have done all that?”. Frank looked at him in surprise. “You did that to your own house?, Why?”. “I had that night a drink too much and I felt so depressed and alone, it was the night after you had said that you didn’t had a best friend anymore. At the moment it didn’t care me anymore, I did not want to live anymore. That’s when I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a knife. ” After hearing this was Frank’s face got pale. “You want me to go further, or that I stop?”. “No, go on, you go to tell your story to someone.” John nodded and went on. “I had gone there because I wanted to end my life and wanted it really, I didn’t want to feel pain anymore, no more sorrow, I just lost you and that’s the worst thing that ever happened to me, and I just did not know how I ever had to get on top of this . I saw this as the only way out. But when I wanted to do, I heard a sound from the garden and dropped the knife and see what was going on. But it turned out to be the stupid cat from the neighbors. Once inside again, I empty a bottle of alcohol and then I had the courage to do it and slit my wrists. Sorry Frankie, if I had known all this, I had never done it. ” “It’s not your fault, I didn’t know about you and you didn’t know about me, I’ve never told you anything, while I’m in love with you for years, why do you think I kissed you a few years ago after we had won?. But I always thought the feeling was not mutual, because you were married to Toni and when you get divorced, I had a little hope that you will become mine, but you did nothing, and I did not want to make a mistake, that I told you and you did not feel the same, and when you began to behave differently and I always when I was aound, I had a little hope that it was because of me, but when you kissed me I did not know how to respond and I response wrong. I didn’t want to push you off and I didn’t want to get mad at you. I don’t know why I was angry. I could not admit to my feelings. I don’t know what happened. I’m so sorry. ” “It’s ok, we have both make a big mistake.” “Thank god you’re all right, I would not know what to do when it went wrong”. “Then you know exactly how I felt that night.” “All is good now.”Frank leaned to John and kissed him. “How’s it from here now?” John asked. “What do you want?”. “Do you even have to ask me?, What do you think?”. Frank started to laugh. “I’m very nervous sorry”. “Does not matter, I am too. But do you want to try from here or not?”. “I almost lost you once and I do not want to lose a second time. I would love to try it from here. Who knows what comes out.” John laugh about it. “I’d also like to try.” John kissed Frank. This was all John had ever dreamed. And now he finally got the chance. “I have to go to training”, began Frank.John sighed. “Do you?”. “Yes, I must,” said Frank, laughing. “Can I come, I do not want to be here all day doing nothing”. Frank hesitated at first, but maybe it was better that John got some distraction. “When it’s het too much, you tell me, I’ll make sure someone brings you home.” “Ok I will”. “Also do not pretend everything is ok, and know that you can not play, so it will be hard for you to sit on the side”. “I know, I will try to be very quiet and do not try to join the training. but are we a couple now or not?”. “What do you think”, and Frank kissed John. “I think so”. On the way to the stadium they had agreed that they won’t talk about it with anyone. And especially not to the press. Once there, the players were already on the field and Frank began to change. Before he climbed the field John kissed him. Once on the field John got the whole attention of all the players and the coach. Everyone was happy to see John again. “I can’t train unfortunately, next week the doctor will decine if I can train”, John was still explaining. Everyone was naturally tense or John would get to the EK. If it is not lucky then John should not play. but John himself assumes that he was playing. He sat on the side and promised Frank to keep quiet and will not train. But John had more problems than he thought. He really wanted to play. But wanted to try the whole workout to stay. What is he proud of Frank. John smiled at this. His Frankie. Frank finally was mine. John stayed the entire training. And went to the locker room after training ended. There he talk with some players and everyone wished him good luck. Frank waited for John. After the last player left John turned around to face Frank. Who was dressed and waiting for him. “Sorry that it took so long”. “Does not matter, everyone is only too happy to see you again.” “I know, they like this is better than me in a hospital bed.” Frank nodded. “It’s all right from now one everything will only get better,” said Frank. John knew that Frank was right, from now on everything would only get better. John sat down next to Frank and kissed him. Frank stopped the kiss and looked at John. “I think it’s better for you if we stop here and go home. You need the rest.” But John did not want to stop. “I feel fine”. John began unbuttoning Franks shirt. “John, we can’t do it here. What if someone enters”. But John had of course a solution. He stood up and walked to the door, locked it and walked back. Frank looked at him surprised after. “Of cource,” Frank said and John kissed Frank. John continued to undress Frank. Frank began to undress John. They dress each other until they both only in their underwear. John removed Franks underwear and fell between Frank’s legs and began to suck Frank. Frank began to moan. John increased the speed. Frank began to moan louder and louder. Frank pushed John on the ground and pulled his underwear off and began to suck John. John moaned even louder than Frank. “Quiet Tiger”, said Frank, laughing. “Are you not the one to blame”. Frank laugh again and pulled John up. Kissing they walked to the showers, and Frank turned the shower on. Stabding here in the hot water kissing John felt good. “Are you sure?” Asked Frank. “I’ve never been so sure about something.” And that was all Frank wanted to hear. John leaned forward, leaning against the wall. Frank came up behind John and pushed carefully inside John. First Frank moved slowly.John moaned in pain, but that feeling was quickly replaced by pleasure. Frank began to move faster. Both were moaning harder and Frank could not hold it much longer. And he remarked that John couldn’t hold it any longer either. Frank has increased the speed. Both almost came together. At last he felt complete. Finally all the pain has disappeared. And now they were going to start a life together….

To Be Continued…..


	3. Where to begin

A week later, John was waiting in the waiting room at the doctor. He hoped that the bandage could get off and that he can train again. He still wanted very much to do with the World Cup. Once at the doctor, he took the bandage of the wrists and looked at the cuts. “I’m afraid that the bandage still longer must remain seated. The wounds are not completely healed.” John sighed. “How long have they still stay around?”. “That’s hard to say, but certainly one week, maybe two.” “May I join the training?”. “It is better that you do not play. The wounds are still sensitive and can go open.” John nodded. And the doctor cleaned the wounds and put new bandage around it. This was not the news he wanted to hear. Once home Frank was waiting for him. “And what did the doctor?”. And John showed him the wrists. “Not off? How long have they still sit around? “”. A maximum of two weeks. “John sat down next to Frank.” What? “Asked Frank. “I still can not train.” “Think of yourself and your health. Become first completely better. You may not want to do it for yourself, do it for me. Become better for me.” John leaned to Frank and kissed him. Frankie was right, thought John. I must often think about myself. But he knew it was another tough week. The whole week, Frank trained and every time John went with him. This week seemed even last longer than the previous week and he had 1 week to go. When the two weeks were almost over Frank went to his ex-wife, They had one day planned, so the children could see Frank. “Enjoy your children,” said John when Frank left. “I Will”. Frank kissed John and left. John had to go entertain himself all day and had no idea what to do without Frank. As noon approached John began to feel increasingly depressed. He wanted to train. After John had emptied a bottle of alcohol, he ran upstairs to fetch his things and went to the stadium. Once there, Roberto asked if he could train and John said it he can train again. John got dressed and walked onto the field. It felt good to be back on the pitch. He started with the training and everything went well. When the training was almost over Cole came onto the field and saw John. John had not seen him. John told Cole earlier told that he still had to wait to train. And Cole went to the locker room and took out his mobile and called Frank. Frank was just on a terrace for a drink, when his cell phone went off. “Frank”. “Hey with Ashley, John may he train again? Did he tell you anything about it?”. “He may not train, why do you ask?”. “Because John is on the field to training right now”. “What!” Said Frank loud. “Ash, get him off the field, now.” “Sure I’ll try, but I do not know if he will listen to me.” “I’m on my way”, and that Frank hung up and said goodbye to the children and his ex and left. Cole ran onto the field and ran to John. “Hey John”. And John looked at him, startled. “I know you may not train, please go off the field, before it gets out of hand.” “I may safely train, there is nothing wrong.” Frank says something quite different. “” You have called Frank?, Why “.” Because I know you wouldn’t tell me the truth, John please go off the field. “Ash grabbed his hand and wanted to pulled John with him when a ball flew to John and hid him hard on his wrist. John pulled the hand back in pain. ‘John all right? “said Ash with fright.” Yes, everything is well, had only one stitch. “and John walked off the field and went to the dressing rooms. There he set down and looked at the bandage. That now was becoming red from the blood. John began with the loosening of the bandage. The more he took it off, he began increasingly to bleed and now the blood ran down his hand and fell on his legs. When he did, he threw all the bandage to the ground and looked at the wound that was open again and bleeding. Frank quickly drove to the stadium and knew he surely would get a few fines, but he didn’t care. Once inside, he ran onto the field and saw Ash but not John. Ash came to him. “Where is John.” “He got a ball against his arm and left the field. I do not know where.” “You’re not going to look if everything is okay?”. “He said that everything was good.” Frank wasted no time and walked off the field. With walk in he had seen Johns car. So he was still here. Frank tried the dressing room first and walked inside. Once inside, he held his breath with what he found. John sat in the corner, leaning against the lockers. His legs were covered in blood. Frank ran to John. “John,” cried Frank, and Frank had difficulty to restrain his tears. John looked at him but did not answer. Frank grabbed his cell phone and called 911.

Once in the hospital, the wound got cleaned again and new bandage. John was lucky again. He had to wait for the doctor and sat on the hospital bed. Frank sat on the bed side. John sighed and looked at Frank. John saw that he was in trouble. Frank had the room door closed. “Yes, just start, I know I’ve been wrong,” said John. “How the hell could you do it. You could have yourself fucking killed. If you’re tired of life just say it. And you know that you should not train. Why the hell are you going behind my back. You know better than this, “said Frank angry.” Sorry, “was all that John said softly.” I thought I could trust you and could leave you a day home alone. What should I do? Lock you up and make sure you can not move. “Frank went further angry.” I do not know what to say, I’m sorry “, and by John rolled a tear on his cheek.” I thought all this was what you ever wanted, why do you put it on the line with this stupid action “. But John could not give a replied, because at that moment the doctor came in. “Mr. Terry, how do you feel?”. “I feel fine”. “You do know that by this action of yours that you need the bandage even longer, and not allowed to train”. John sighed. “I want you to go take rest for at least 3 months. Then I want you to come back and I will look how the wounds are healed.” John nodded that it was good and the doctor departed. John could forget the wk. Over four weeks they going to South Africa. John was feeling depressed and he knew that Frank was not finished and would be hearing more. But Frank was always polite and did not bother other people with their problems and said nothing until they were home again. Once there, John set on the couch. Frank sat down beside him and looked at him. John felt very nervous. “Frankie I’m sorry.” “We sit here until everything is pronounced”, said Frank, “And I want the truth, John you’re hiding so many thing, even if you say no, I see it. It is not good for you and keep it to yourself. Talk to me. I’m here for you. No matter what happens.” “I’m sorry Frankie, I did not want this to happen, “said John.” It’s ok John, I know you did not mean to, but will you tell what is bothering you? “. John sighed.” I hate that I can not train and come the World Cup too. I’m going crazy in my own head. How can I watch you all work out while I can’t. “” There is currently not much you can do. It’s not forever and if you’re not made this stupid mistake, you’d probably could go to the World Cup. But this is not all. It all started when you cut your wrists. There must have been something behind it. You do not just do it. “” I’ve already explained that.” “It’s really not just me, there’s more.” John did not answer. He was always busy with getting Frank that he put his other problems in the background. John sighed. “I was 16 years old when I came out that I’m gay. My parents were not always happy, but always tried to help. It was a beautiful summer evening and I was with some friends. We drank what and had lots of fun together. Around 3 we all went home, and I went with a friend. we were both on the bike. But on the way home we must always go on a dirt road, which was a road that went between some farms where almost was no light. Halfway down the street there were two boys who appeared drunk and started to scold. And they were in for a fight. My friend got scared and saw an opportunity to flee and left me alone. The 2 guys knew I was gay and called me names. They beat me up that night. I held off broken rips and a broken arm. For 1 year they bullied me and never left me a minute alone. That evening they repeated often enough. And when I was 18 I also attempted to commit suicide. I could not take it anymore and wanted to leave. But where should I go. Then I got the chance to become a footballer and I grabbed that opportunity with both hands. I’ve never talked about it with anyone and I buried all those feelings and memories. When I met you, I saw a way to forget. But that night when I tried again to committed suicide, everything came back up. All those feelings I had buried. I did not want to think about it. And then that with you came and I just did not want to live anymore. I could not take it anymore. And then everything with that I can not train. It is too much for me Frankie.” John stopped and Frank looked pale. He did not know what he heard. “Know that you’re safe with me. I will never hurt you. And if anything, talk about it and displacing it not. “Frank kissed John. 

3 months resting was not easy for John. One because it was only 3 weeks. And two, because Frank is not with him. Frank had him for resting send to Port Elizabeth. John had disagreed because Frank stayed in London. He just needed more training. And then there was the Wk. But Frank had told him that he had to stay there three months. You need your rest, Frank had told him. After 3 weeks, John had all the rest he needed. He had not done much. Had lay on the beach, set on some terraces. But John could totally do nothing either. He had here and there visit some sights. And now 3 weeks later, John rested enough, but he missed Frank so much. The called each other everyday but that was not the same thing. If England came far he wouldn’t see Frank for another 2 months. And John wasn’t happy with that. How could Frank expect from him to be quit and do nothing for 3 months, and not living with him for 3 months. Why couldn’t he just stay home and after the WK that they go on a vacation together. Rather that than this. 2 more months without him. What must he do. John knew that Frank would fly to Cape Town today. Sure he was closer to John now. John was thinking about go to Cape Town and surprise Frank. But John knew Frank wouldn’t be so happy about it. He promised him to stay here for 3 months. But John knew he couldn’t keep his promise John sat on a terrace for a drink when his mobile went. “John”. “Hey sweetie, how are you doing?”. “I’m ok, but I miss you so much”. “I know, I miss you too”. “When do I see you again?. You can’t expect from me to stay here for 2 more months”. “Honey, it is equally not different, I just landed in Cape Town and the WK is about to start”. “I know that, it is just so hard”. “Of course it is and I promise you after these 2 months I come to visit you”. “Ok”. And they talked a little bit further. The preliminaries began and every time John sat neatly in a pub watching. He was so proud to see Frankie play, his Frankie Each match England was good, but won one not. John did not mind. England went through the first of the group. The quarter finals came and again John sat nicely for the TV. But now he had more trouble seeing Frank. After England won and went to the semifinals, John took a decision. He went after he grab his things to Cape Town. He couldn’t take it anymore to live without Frank. John was the day of the semi-final in Cape Town. He had decided to say nothing to Frankie and sat in the audience. He had good places. John knew that if Frank would look in his direction, he saw him sitting. The match began and John wondered how long it take before Frank saw him. But the first half came to an end without that Frank had seen him. John knew that maybe it was better that Frank did not know he was here. It could distract Frank and John didn’t want that. And tomorrow is the final. Although John could not wait, he did not spoil. The rest of the game Frank didn’t see John. England won and were in the final against Germany. John now knew that he had to leave Frank alone. After tomorrow we can be together again.

To Be Continued…..


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